Don’t let ‘being strong’ ALL the time stop you being happy: here’s what I’ve learned since my divorce and why healing is so important.

This is me 16 years ago today, marrying who I thought I’d be with forever…

Even though our divorce was ‘my decision’ it was actually the last thing I wanted and making that decision broke my heart.

But, it led to my biggest journey back to me I’ve ever been on, and gave me the idea to create Travel Queen, to not just live out my dream of travel and being my own boss, but to help other women find their way back to themselves too 🩵

So obviously that’s all a very positive thing to come out of something sad, but I’m sharing the rest of my story because I recently learned something really important that I think a lot of the women who join our women only group trips can probably relate to and hopefully, benefit from too.

Travel Queen is more of a heart led community of women travelling together than a company; and woman power and real friendship is at the heart of what we do. So many of you share your personal stories about what you’ve been or are going through, and your healing journeys, with me, so I think it’s only fair that I share mine too.

In the process of going through my divorce, finding myself again and creating Travel Queen, I became fiercely independent and strong, and I’m proud of that too, but my determination to be so strong, move forward and be positive meant I never fully dealt with the heartbreak of losing what I once had, and the person who had been my best friend for so long.

It’s taken me til now, 10 years since our divorce and after noticing a few patterns developing, to realise that I just didn’t want to face and feel how much it hurt, or to really understand why how I acted goes way back to how I didn’t deal with how I felt about my parents’ divorce when I was a child either. My insistence on being strong just wouldn’t let me go there.

It’s also taken me until now to realise that this new ‘armour’ and habit of taking care of everything by myself, has also stopped me from opening up, sharing my softer side and ultimately being as happy as I could be. And I don’t want to be the thing that gets in my own way!

After a bit of an epiphany over Christmas about all this, I’ve been on a proper personal healing ‘mission’ over the last couple of months. I was actually really blown away by just how much I had blocked certain things out, and felt really motivated to explore why that was and understand how it had been impacting me, and suddenly so many things started to make so much sense…

So I got stuck in and after weeks of traditional talking therapy, inner child work and things like tapping to reveal deeply buried memories and feelings, plus lots of ‘hippy’ stuff as I call it, that I’ve got into from my travels, from sound baths and reiki, yoga and chakra work to release stored trauma, to reading so many stories and writing down enough of what’s in my head to filll a book, I can honestly say, it was bloody exhausting (and some of the effects of getting it all out have been erm, unexpected!) BUT, I have turned such a big corner and now I feel REALLY back to me, it’s totally changed how I feel in the BEST way possible ☺️

I didn’t feel awful before to be honest, I’ve certainly had much lower points years ago, and I was mostly ok, with lots of pretty happy moments! But I would still get this horrible heavy pressure that would come over me when I needed to be vulnerable or share how I really feel, or ask for help or for something I really want, if it depended on other people, or when I just got lonely and a bit sad.

And since doing all this ‘work’, and letting myself feel what I’ve been blocking out for years, it’s the first time in a long time that that feeling just isn’t there anymore, it’s like a weight has been lifted off my chest, and it feels so bloody GOOD that I honestly just feel like I want to encourage more people to do the same, to see just how good you could feel too ☺️

I’ve also learnt just how much ‘being strong’ all the time actually stops other people from allowing themselves to be vulnerable with you, and that as soon as I’ve started to take my armour off, and be open about what I’ve been struggling with and how I feel, other people immediately share more of themselves too; it’s like it makes it safe for them to do it too, and all it takes is one person to make that first little step.

And that intimacy basically builds trust and makes for stronger, happier relationships, which is what it’s all about really isn’t it. But as cliche as it sounds, it’s a saying for a reason: you’ve got to start with the one you have with yourself first ☺️

I now firmly believe that being a strong woman doesn’t just mean ‘getting through life’s challenges with your head held high’, it also means letting yourself really feel it when it hurts, sharing it with others and asking for help when you need it. Because if you’re anything like me, that can feel scary as hell, so pushing through that feeling rather than blocking it out (or just point blank refusing to do it!) is what takes real strength, and its also what will make you feel better for YOU in the long run.

I hope hearing my story in some way helps you believe that happy new beginnings can come from sad endings, and encourages you to share how you feel and not be afraid to go on your own healing journey too, even if it is a little scary, as I honestly believe it’s ’better out than in’ and 1 million % worth it 🩵

And if our paths hopefully cross on an adventure some day, we can swap stories on a beach somewhere and all help each other 😁

Thank you for reading,

Mel x